Day 2: Love is Kind
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. – Esphesians 4:32
Kindness is love in action. If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance. Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing. One is preventive, the other proactive. These two sides of love are the cornerstones on which many of the other attributes we will discuss are built.
Love makes you kind. And kindness makes you likeable. When you’re kind, people want to be around you. They see you as being good to them and good for them.
The Bible keys in on the importance of kindness: “Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man” (Proverbs 3:3-4). Kind people simply find favor wherever they go. Even at home.
But “kindness” can feel a little generic when you try defining it, much less living it. So let’s break kindness down into four basic core ingredients:
Initiative. Kindness things ahead, then takes the first step. No request required. It doesn’t sit there waiting to be prompted or coerced before getting off the couch. The kind husband or wife will be the one who greets first, smiles first, serves first, and forgives first. They don’t require the other to get his or her act together before showing love. When active from kindness, you see the need, and then you quickly make your move. First.
Gentleness. When you’re operative from kindness, you’re careful how you treat your spouse, never being unnecessarily callous or harsh. You’re sensitive. Tender. Even if you need to say hard things, you’ll bend over backwards to make your rebuke or challenge as easy to hear as possible. You speak the truth in love.
Helpfulness. Being kind means you meet the needs of the moment. If it’s housework, you get busy. A listening ear? You give it. Kindness graces a wife with the ability to serve her husband without worrying about her rights. Kindness makes a husband curious to discover what his wife needs, then motivates him to be the one who steps up and ensures those needs are met – even if his are put on hold.
Willingness. Kindness inspires you to be agreeable. Instead of being obstinate, reluctant, or stubborn, you cooperate, you stay flexible. Rather than complaining or making excuses, you look for creative ways to accommodate and adjust. A kind husband ends thousands of potential arguments by his willingness to listen first rather than demand his way.
Jesus described the kindness of love in His parable of the Good Samaritan, found in the Bible – Luke, chapter IO.
A Jewish man is attacked by robbers and then left for dead on a remote road. Two religious leaders, respected among their people, walk by without choosing to stop. Too busy. Too important. Too fond of clean hands. But a common man of another race – the hated Samaritans, whose dislike for the Jews was both bitter and mutual – sees this stranger in need and is moved with compassion. Crossing all cultural boundaries and risking ridicule, he stops to help the man. Bandaging his wounds and putting him on his own donkey, he carries him to safety and pays all his medical expenses out of his own pocket. Where years of racism had caused strife and division, one act of kindness brought two enemies together. Taking the initiative, this mand demonstrated true kindness in every way. Gently, helpfully. Willingly.
Jesus illustrated how love could cause even enemies to reach out to one another in kindness. If enemies can do it, how about intimates? How might love ramp up the level of kindness in your relationship? In your marriage?
Wasn’t kindness one of the key things that drew you and your spouse together in the first place? When you married, weren’t you expecting to enjoy his or her kindness for the rest of your life? Didn’t your mate feel the same way about you? Even though the years can take the edge off that desire, your enjoyment in marriage is still linked to the daily level of kindness expressed. It fuels mutual delight.
The Bible describes a woman whose husband and children bless and praise her. Among her noble attributes and these: “She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 3I:26). How about you? How would your husband or wife describe you on the kindness meter? How harsh are you? How gentle and helpful are you? Do you wait to be asked, or do you take the initiative to help? Don’t wait for your spouse to be kind first. Make it your daily mission.
It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness. First.
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.